Gregg Allman
Wow this fuckers done a lot of drugs…he’s truly the barely living embodiment to that Southern-Rocker, hard-livin’ mentality!  Plus he put his penis in Cher enough times that he sired a weird, shitty drummer-singer son.  He’s been at Death’s door a couple of times, and Lord knows his fucking band’s cursed…unfortunately it seems like motorcycles kill off these fuckers more then heroin addiction, so Gregg might still be a long-shot…

“Dude! That’s the guy who sells fake Rolexes in the Applebee’s parking lot!”

Santana
This is a tricky choice, as Santana was near the top of this list twenty years ago because he had Hogdkin’s disease and has also admittedly done a lot of drugs.  Thing is, he saw visions of the Virgin Mary and has been OK ever since..  And I don’t think his Madonna-visions were just some random acid flashback because we all know Hispanics see Ave Maria all the time.  Hey, they tell you you’re not supposed to drink the water in Mexico…

Pete Doherty

"A bit of a racket foisting me twee ass in your gobs, ennit?"

This loser is unbelievable.  He’s like Syd Barrett without the cool or talent.  How people wo see Pete on the street just don’t randomly come up to this guy and punch him in the face is a true testament of the British “Stiff Upper-Lip” mentality.  HAve you ever listened to the Libertines?  Ugh, it’s like art-punk or something.

Amy Winehouse
Wow.  Pete’s former scumbag partner-in-crime strikes folks as a bit more tragic.  As she slowly ruins herself at levels Britney would be remiss to ignore, I cannot help but feel bad for her.  I mean, she’s hideous.  Even crazy Britney had fuckable potential.  But since Wino has lost 100+ pounds she is more unattractive then ever.  So you gotta feel a little bit for this wacko.

Scott Weiland
Yeah, Scott, when Slash and Duff McKagan kick you out of a band for getting wasted too much, you might just have a wee bit of a problem.

Courtney Love
Unlikeable, crazy, and pretty much ungrateful.  These are descriptions for the many folks who disparage the talented Ms. Love’s career and personal life.  Courtney is such a fine role-model for women everywhere that it would be a shame if she were to pass this year.  Hang in there, kitty.

Bobby Brown
At least this guy admits he pretty much sucks.  I mean he was the ugliest dude in New Edition and made “prerogative” a household word for a while.


Whitney Houston
Yeah, about that comeback…her voice, sinuses, and uterus are all shot to shit. She can’t sing anymore, and she still acts mad erratic if reports from backstage promoters arer to be believed. And if you can’t trust promoters, who can you trust?

DMX
Wow, DMX is kind of scary.  Crackheads are usually more funny then scary, but this guy smokes crack then tortures his dogs, speeds around in parking garages and carjacks folks by telling them he’s FBI.  Yeah, DMX is the kind of fun crazy folks like to read about but don’t necessarily want to invite over for chicken and waffles.

Maybe it’s because for every little Moglwi or whatever his fucking name is, there are what, a zillion other little babies who will be stuck there. I don’t know if going to Africa and picking up a cute baby like some pound puppy is exactly cool.

Smokey is a little late to the game but offers his useless opinion on last year’s big-time post-apocalyptic gorefest.

 So while I’ve been away from the site I have spent a lot of time playing Fallout 3.  Here are my thoughts:

 A fun game.  A little too drab sometimes, but overall interesting.  I don’t get the hate from the Fallout “purists” who have been attacking the game.  I think the game is more faithful to the series then they give it credit for.  OK, so it’s not turn-based.  Come on, how fun would that be in this day and age?  OK, pretty fun, but still Bethesda “don’t Call Us Argonian” Softworks does a good job reworking the patented Elder Scrolls formula for the classic post-apocalyptic RPG series. 

 And it is extremely fun.

I have no idea why I’m posting screenshots from a six-month old game either…

While not exatcly a true first-person shooter, the violent content in the game makes it worthwhile and interesting to do everything from listening to scary recordings or haul off and totally lambaste fools with a plasma rifle.  I hate the level cap, but again I know the Fallout die-hards would have cried.  Hell, they still are anyways.  But come on, man!  Would you rather buy this game or yet another Tactics-like crapfest?

Is he? Fuck Rihanna and her big ass forehead. You can just look at the bitch and see she is “Disturbia” (seewhatIdidthere?) all right. She sucks and so does her music.

Bitch better recognize

“But Smokey,” the more sensitive of you may cry out, “are you condoning beating women?” No, my good friends, I’m condoning beating up Rihanna. Look at her. I fail to see the hawtness. Instead I see a divalicious monster that even nice lil’ baby-faced Brown would smack the shit out of.  OK, ok I kid a little.  No muthafucka should hit a bitch.  But I’m sayin…I understand…

HT: So, Mike, what have you been up to lately?

Phelps: Oh, man. Just got back from a tour in Amsterdam. Nice folks up there. Of course I can speak fluent Danish due to Rosetta Stone’s awesome software.

HT: Didn’t they drop your ass too?

Phelps: Oh yeah, dude, Right! Fuck ‘em!

So rock on, Mr. Phelps. I hate to see your career over because of the dank nugs, but at least you will have the memories!

Most of you younger folk will recognise the more famous names lumped into that particular category, such as Steven Spielberg and George Lucas. Now they are both old power barons, raping our childhood sensibilities with remade crap and late, late sequels to franchises that probably should have remained long dead (sorry Thrillho)

But one name always stood out to me. The angry guy in the back of the room, insulting everybody else yet unleeashing his often-inconsistent brilliance on an unsuspecting film populace: William Friedkin.

“Who the fuck is that?” I hear some of you less-geeky readers ask. Well, Friedkin is an undisputed genius who refuses to compromise and hates everybody who stands in the way of his art. Hell, rumor has it he hates everybody period. Maybe that’s why he doesn’t have the career of Lucas or Spielberg.

Anyway, to answer the above question, Friedkin has the honor of directing both two of the best car chases of all time as well as arguably the scariest movie of all-time. While you may not know Friedkin, you probably know “The Exorcist” and maybe even “The French Connection”. Hell you may even remember “To Live And Die In LA”.

In this humble author’s opinion, the above films are all masterpieces. They are all well-known films. The first two are “blockbusters”.

So why doesn’t the average Joe know who this guy is? It’s simple, really. He’s an asshole. By pretty much all accounts, Billy is a true dick who cares for little save getting the film done at all costs.

In 1975, this guy was on top of the world. He could do whatever he wanted. And, unfortunately for him, he did. He spent several years remaking one of his favorite French films, angering financiers, actors, and pretty much everybody else in the process. I feel the result is brilliant. Many don’t. I will tell you that if you haven’t seen “Sorcerer” then you are missing out on the creepiest action flick ever made. No, not creepy in the icky alien sense, but creepy in the snse of dread permeating every frame of the film.

Friedkin pretty much hurt his career bad with this film, and it would be a while before he would move on. And even when he did, the results were uneven. But to me, always kind of awesome. Remember that stupid basketball movie with Nick Nolte and Shaq and Penny Hardaway? Yeah, kinda pretentious, I know. But try and watch it again. You may see the strange dread and futility of Nolte’s character in the end when he spills his guts about the corruption of college basketball. That’s the thing with Friedkin’s films. They rarely have that happy, Lucas-Spielberg ending. They usually have the darkest endings in American cinema since Stanley Kubrick. They rarely have likable characters. Understandable characters, maybe. But in no way shape or form are they usually “lovable”. Do yourself a favor, Wiki this guy’s filmography, Netflix the whole bunch and be prepared to be…drained. While that may sound liuke a not fun time, I guarantee you you will understand why I’m writing this crap.